Everyone wants to create great relationships, right? Regardless of the reason people come to MVP, relationships with people in their lives comes up. When it comes to relationships there is one simple researched principal that is worth knowing about. Simply put, for relationships to feel good to us, we need to have 6 positive interactions for every negative interaction. Makes sense, right?
Think about your relationships. If you have more negative interactions with someone than you do positive interactions you probably don’t want to spend as much time with that person. You probably wouldn’t describe a relationship where you have more interactions that are negative as a “good relationship”. Whether the relationship is with your child, a friend, or a spouse you will not enjoy the relationship as much and neither will they. If you are concerned about a relationship in your life, pay attention to the ratio of positive to negative interactions you are having. If your 6:1 ratio is off, do something to change it. Be purposeful about creating honest and sincere positive interactions and change your ratio.
When working at creating more positive interactions, make sure you are being honest in your feedback. When you are caught in a negative loop in a relationship you may feel like it is impossible to find nice things to say that are actually true. As you do this try to focus on the small things. For example, you could notice that your child picked up their plate after dinner the first time you asked. Perhaps your child thanked someone for something. You could notice that your child got ready for school on time.
Maybe your significant other made you a nice dinner. Perhaps the laundry was folded for you, or your clothes were picked up from the floor. All these things are worth noticing and commenting on. It changes the tone of your relationships. In addition, when people are noticed for the “good things” they do they tend to repeat them. This is happiness in your world!
As you change the amount of positive in your relationships, chances are your relationships will shift for the better. To get help creating health and positive relationships give us a call at 720-583-9332. We will connect you with a counselor who specializes in working with people like you. Don’t wait for things to change on their own, because they may not change.
Written By Dr. Steffanie Stecker
Dr. Steffanie Stecker a licensed psychologist and the owner and clinical director of Mountain Vista Psychology, PLLC.
In addition, she is a board certified neurotherapist (BCN E5669) and board certified in QEEG (QEEG-D). Less than 100 people world wide are board certified in QEEG, which indicates competency in reading QEEGs and choosing neurofeedback protocols. Dr. Stecker is passionate about brain based effective therapy and creating a safe relationship for her clients to create change. She loves what she gets to do each day!