Mom, How Do I Forgive?

forgive

For those of you who don’t know, I am a parent and a step-parent.  My step-daughter is now in her 20s, my son is 10, and my daughter is 8.  Being a psychologist, does not mean that my kids don’t fight and yesterday morning was a doozy!  My son and daughter were at it like cats and dogs!  At one point I heard my daughter say something to my son about an incident in which he had hurt her a year ago.

I stopped everything and turned to my daughter and asked her, “Have you forgiven Landon for that?”  The answer was a quick “No!” and then Landon began to list all the things he had not forgiven Raelyn for.  This was a total surprise to me because we talk about forgiveness and saying sorry constantly in our house and I have mistakenly thought that meant forgiveness was happening, but in that moment I knew somehow the boat had been missed.  We spent the next hour talking about what happens when we choose not to forgive.  I asked a lot of questions and they gave all the “right” answers:

When I don’t forgive, I feel angry inside.

If I hold onto anger, I don’t want to be nice to other people.

When I don’t forgive, I don’t want to do nice things for the other person.

If I hold onto anger, I try to get back at the other person and then they get back at me for getting back at them.

forgivenessSound familiar?  We all get hurt in relationships.  I have never met anyone who has not.  We make mistakes as humans that hurt others…just a fact of life.

But what happens when we don’t forgive?  When we don’t forgive people in our life we carry the hurt and anger with us.  It may not always be visible but it is there, like a weight on our shoulders, a heaviness in our hearts, a poison in our bodies and minds.

When we are able to forgive we can release the heaviness and exchange it for feelings of peace and acceptance.  We can heal ourselves and our relationships.  More than anything forgiving others is a gift we can give ourselves, so when my son asked, “Mom, How do I forgive?” we began a whole other conversation.

Forgiveness can be hard…super hard!  There are some hurts that may take years to fully forgive.  It is a choice that can be made.  You can image the person who hurt you standing in front of you.  Feel the hurt and pain that person caused you, and then with no apology from them you can choose to forgive and let go.  You can wish this person well.

If you feel yourself holding onto anger and pain and need help to release it, feel free to call our office at 720-583-9332.  We would love to support you to healing.

Written By Dr. Steffanie Stecker

Categories

Schedule a FREE Consultation

We believe in an integrative and holistic approach to help you make the changes you want. Contact us now to schedule an appointment or to request a 20 minute free phone consultation. During this session, you will be invited to share your story and ask any questions you may have.

Recent Articles

A conceptual staircase leading to a glowing question mark, symbolizing the rise of ADHD that can be addressed through ADHD therapy in Littleton, CO and online therapy in Colorado, especially for those seeking an ADHD evaluation near me.

Is ADHD Actually On “The Rise?”

You might have heard that more and more people are being diagnosed with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Over the past few…

Man sits alone on a mountain ledge, reflecting on life—a powerful representation of autism treatment for adults in Colorado and the quiet strength found in working with an autism therapist in Greenwood Village, CO and accessing online therapy that takes Medicaid.

Understanding Autism in Adults

When most people think about autism, they often picture young children navigating early development and mental health. But autism is…

Image of a man waving at a laptop screen. Discover the benefits of online therapy in Colorado. Gain convenient access to couples counseling, treatment for depression and anxiety, and EMDR online in Denver, CO.

Online Counseling vs. In-Person: What Is Right For You?

If you have been considering therapy but are not sure where to start, you are not alone! Starting the process…

A hand placing a health symbol block above emotion icons, reflecting progress through online therapy that takes Medicaid, anxiety therapy in Littleton, CO, and therapy with Kaiser Insurance.

Mental Health Services for those with Kaiser Insurance at Mountain Vista Psychology

In today’s fast-paced and often overwhelming world, mental and emotional well-being are just as crucial as physical health. Counseling serves…