Parenting is the most important job there is! If you are a parent, you are your child’s first and most important teacher! When our children were babies we taught them how to talk, how to walk, and how to eat. When they are young it is really obvious how much they watch and mimic our actions! As our kids get older we are still their first teacher. We teach them our values, help them read, expose them to sports. We often forget how much they are still watching us!
Believe it or not, how we behave in front of our children is more important than what we say! For example, how do your children see you express your anger? Is it similar to what they do? When you get upset, do you yell? Do you take some “time out” for yourself? Are you calm? How about your kids? If we tell them not to yell when they get angry, but they see and hear us yell when we are angry, there is a good chance they will yell like us.
Modeling also works for positive behaviors. Are you a model of generosity and forgiveness? If so, it is more likely your kids are too. Do you have a good work/life balance or are you constantly on the go? They model us constantly. There is even research that teens are more influenced by their parents than their peers when it comes to big life decisions.
See if you can take a step back and observe your behavior and your child’s behavior as if you are not a part of the process. It is likely that you see your child modeling much of your behavior, both the great stuff and stuff that isn’t so great. If your child is behaving in ways that is modeled by you, one of the easiest ways to change your child’s behavior is to first change your own. Going back to the anger example, if you don’t want your child to yell try to stop yelling yourself.
None of us are perfect. We all pass on some great things to our children and we also all pass on some ways of being that aren’t as awesome!
Do You Need Help With This?
If you need help shifting family dynamics give us a call at 720-583-9332. We will connect you with a counselor who can support your family! You can check out our parenting services page by clicking here!
Written by Dr. Steffanie Stecker
Dr. Steffanie Stecker a licensed psychologist and the owner and clinical director of Mountain Vista Psychology, PLLC.
In addition, she is a board certified neurotherapist (BCN E5669) and board certified in QEEG (QEEG-D). Less than 100 people world wide are board certified in QEEG, which indicates competency in reading QEEGs and choosing neurofeedback protocols. Dr. Stecker is passionate about brain based effective therapy and creating a safe relationship for her clients to create change. She loves what she gets to do each day!