Most marriages have issues that are resolved quickly. However, when there is infidelity, few marriages survive. After discovering your partner’s breach of trust, you may be asking, “Why did this happen? Was this my fault? Or can we fix this?” If you consider working it out, which might we add, is possible, it will take a lot of hard work from the both of you. Let’s take a deeper dive on what this means and how you can start.
What is infidelity?
Infidelity is the act of being unfaithful to your spouse. However, this has many definitions – you and your partner should define this on a broader sense. For example, some may think that how they act is not considered cheating if there was no physical contact or if the relationship was purely online. On the other hand, some believe that speaking to another man or woman outside the marriage is cheating.
Research has indicated that the percentage of men and women who’ve reported cheating on their spouses is close. About 20% of men say they’ve cheated on their wives, and 13% of women report cheating on their husbands. About 15%-20% of marriages have reported infidelity in their marriage.
What you can do
Surviving and recovering from infidelity is challenging. It is one act that can destroy a marriage and leave you having mixed feelings about whether it’s worth saving. However, if you and your significant other can recover, it’s more likely to bring you closer, and deepen your relationship with each other. To start the process, try taking time to heal by yourself. During this time, think about how you’d like to proceed and what you need to move forward in the healing process.
Additionally, you can seek counsel from a therapist to help you process your feelings and move forward. Keep in mind, if you have been unfaithful, it’s very important to own up to what you’ve done and take accountability. If you want your marriage to work, cutting ties with the other individual must happen – this may mean finding a new job if they turn out to be a co-worker.
Sit down with your significant other to talk about how trust can be restored and work on offering forgiveness and vice versa. Together, you can consider marriage counseling which can help to put the affair in perspective. It gives both of you a safe space to speak, listen and help rebuild the marriage.
Rebuilding your marriage after infidelity is a complex and hurtful process. If you’re determined to save your marriage it’s possible if both parties are dedicated to the process that follows. With openness, counseling, and restoring trust, you can make your marriage deeper, strengthening your bond.
Dr. Steffanie Stecker a licensed psychologist and the owner and clinical director of Mountain Vista Psychology, PLLC.
In addition, she is a board certified neurotherapist (BCN E5669) and board certified in QEEG (QEEG-D). Less than 100 people world wide are board certified in QEEG, which indicates competency in reading QEEGs and choosing neurofeedback protocols. Dr. Stecker is passionate about brain based effective therapy and creating a safe relationship for her clients to create change. She loves what she gets to do each day!